This post is a really hard post for me to write.
Hard, because Tony Robbins was my hero for a really long time and these wounds aren't 100 percent entirely healed yet.
Also hard, because I think, just like any vulnerable piece of content we create, we can feel scared about what other people will think when they read it.
But while I am totally nervous sharing this, I know that vulnerability is my superpower. So here we go!
But first, we need to address something
There is some news in the media about Tony allegedly mistreating women. There are some claims from some of his employees and followers that have been reported in a BuzzFeed Article.
Obviously, I want to address this. First, I canceled my Platinum Partnership six months ago before any of this surfaced. So just please keep that in mind when you read this post.
Platinum Partner is Tony's high-level mastermind that gives you closer access to him. You get to attend private exclusive Platinum Partner only events and get an access pass for one year to go to as many of his live events as you desire.
There is a big Tony Robbins fan base in the online space. Some would go as far as calling it "cult-ish." And since I was part of the community, I have a lot of Tony friends on my Facebook feed and in my friend's list. Which is part of the reason I was nervous to share this post.
When the allegations against Tony came out in the BuzzFeed article, my social media blew up with #ISTANDBYTONY posts, all around how this news was fake and how terrible it was that Tony Robbins, their friend and mentor, was being attacked.
Post after post, I saw tons of Tony's friends, fans and volunteers saying things like, "I stand by Tony" and "These allegations are a lie! This is fake news" and stuff like that.
First of all, everyone deserves to speak their truth on social media. Free speech is a gift that I think we take for granted sometimes, and we need to honor and respect people who show up to share their hearts. It's incredibly brave, regardless of what side of the fence you are on.
But here's the deal (or my deal, at least): I do not know the facts, and I refuse to pretend or act like I do. I cannot stand behind something unless I feel 100 percent aligned to do so. And I did not feel compelled to #standbytony because I truthfully have no idea what Tony did.
He is an incredible leader. He is a powerful AF public speaker, no doubt. But does he mistreat women? Or has he mistreated women in the past? I have no fucking clue.
Did he try to sleep with his fans? Maybe, but I wasn't there.
Did he assault an assistant in the '90s? I Don't fucking know, I was seven.
Tony is a grown-ass man, I don't need to fight his battles for him.
And honestly, whether or not these allegations are true isn't what I am focused on right now with the current evidence and information as it is... it's simply too early for me to decide if this is true or false information. What's way MORE important to me is that women everywhere feel safe to come forward and open up about abuse.
ALL WOMEN. ALL types of abuse.
I am an abuse victim myself... I was raped when I was 19 and attempted suicide shortly after. Why? Because I didn't feel SAFE to open up and tell the truth.
Honestly, how would a woman feel safe coming forward about anything when we show up to fight battles for people who live in the public eye like this and create angry hateful messages
Battles we don't know the facts about?
Battles that aren't really ours to fight?
I do not know if these allegations are true, and I do not know if they are a lie.
All I know is that a woman should feel safe to express and share when she felt unsafe. And the reaction from the Tony community doesn't exactly give off that energy.
Play pretend with me for a hot minute.
Imagine if there is a woman at home who was sexually assaulted by someone else in the public eye. She is at home, watching women come forward about abuse and seeing a whole slew of people fighting a battle for Tony - now she thinks it isn't safe to come forward.
It is safe. Women should always feel safe.
Okay... Now let's talk about what we came here to talk about.
You can listen to the podcast episode where I share my heartfelt narrative and the entire process coming to terms with outgrowing Tony Robbins as my mentor.
I share all the details of false marketing, and my sadness when I saw something staged at Date with Destiny.
NOTE: For more about my Tony Robbins experience, listen to these Episodes on the Badass Business Podcast: BBP EP02: The Most powerful lessons I learned from Tony Robbins
BBP EP03: The woman Tony Robbins Couldnt Save
BBP EP48: The Full Tony Robbins Story
BBP EP70: The Question Tony Robbins asked me that changed my life forever
BBP EP119: Why I canceled my Tony Robbins Platinum Partnership. Feel free to check any and all of those episodes out on badassbusinessbabe.com/podcast (that link will give you several different places the podcast lives so you can choose to listen on itunes, spotify, googleplay, etc.
I'm not going to lie, pretty sure I cry a bit in episode 119 of the Badass Business Podcast.
Basically, in a nutshell, I was incredibly hurt by the false marketing of the program and the lack of transparency in what the product was.
That being said, I enrolled with Tony Robbins to study, learn and practice my craft, and after six months on the road traveling and growing with him as my teacher, I definitely did get that experience.
I have shifted and evolved in ways I never thought possible and I am so grateful for all of that.
But the more I showed up to his events, the more I recognized false advertising. It hurt me to see the sales team on stage saying that Platinum Partnership was something that it wasn't.
Again, you can hear more details in my podcast episode.
This was a beautiful powerful lesson for me as a businesswoman that was worth every penny. The marketing of a product should always be truthful in WHAT the product is.
Marketing something as intimate and exclusive should ALWAYS be intimate and exclusive.
The straw that broke the camels back was when I went back to Date with Destiny and saw something staged. Again, you can go listen to the episode on the Badass Business Podcast to hear the entire story.
This has happened to me twice now, where I have invested with a mentor and teacher but then several months down the road, I discover that the relationship no longer feels aligned.
I worked with my first coach for a year and three months, and those last three months, I realized how much I had grown and evolved and transformed into a woman who needed a different teacher.
And with Tony, in many ways, I outgrew that relationship too.
Listen, as a coach it is my job to always be doing the work on healing and growing myself so that I grow WITH my clients at the same pace as them.
But as a student, there can be an immense amount of guilt associated without growing someone you used to admire.
1. They no longer inspire you or you no longer aspire to have the qualities they embody.
2. You feel like they have nothing left to teach you or you no longer feel called to learn from them.
3. You find yourself evolving past them in the areas you are studying together. And think you need a more "experienced" teacher.
4. The teacher you are studying with does things or acts in a certain way that makes you feel turned off and out of alignment in your relationship.
5. They have different values than you or you don't feel they are the type of leader you aspire to be.
When these things come up, honor them. They are a sign you are growing.
There are two simple lessons here:
One: You will outgrow your mentors. And it is safe to do so. Letting go of people who once inspired you is a sign you are growing into new things. LET THAT HAPPEN. Don't judge your feelings... honor them.
Two: Mentors and community are so important in our growth. Our #BBBVIP students inside VIP Supported know how powerful a community can be. Putting yourself in environments like the BBB VIP Supported Tribe gives you opportunities to learn from various coaches and teachers so you can take your time learning and finding the leaders you most deeply connect with.
Don't be afraid to learn from the people around you. There is all this pressure to find a one on one coach, but honestly, there is so much growth that can transpire in community-based experiences.
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you, babe.
Lauren Eliz Love