Okay.... so last week I had one of those weeks where the entire world got turned upside down.
You can see the full story in my recent instagram post, but basically in a nutshell: Mercury delivered its own personal retrograde to me.
Random ass shit kept going wrong and left me scratching my head wondering wtf was happening.
An expired credit card got our health insurance canceled.
A random play in the yard ended up with our dog in the emergency vet.
A glitch in our 1099 form had our business deposits frozen.
And I was over here going, "WTF UNIVERSE?!!? LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY!"
Why? BECAUSE I DO ALL THE DAMN SPIRITUAL THINGS ALL THE DAMN TIME.
I journal every day.
I focus on gratitude.
I set positive intentions.
I serve from a high vibration.
I live a life of purpose.
And I am CONSTANTLY doing the inner work.
Oh..... and my home is flooded with sage bundles, crystals, and Buddha statues
So my life is supposed to be really F-ing easy because I am doing everything right, right?"
It is true that the more I have done the inner work and the more effort I make in connecting to my spiritual practice, the less chaos surrounds my life. Over the years I have shed old stories that say "Everything is always going to go wrong," and "bad things always happen to me."
I have become. a healed woman that lives a more zen and calm life.
I have transitioned from an old version of myself that lived in madness and disaster and trauma (because honestly, that was what made me feel super significant) to becoming a woman who really does live in a space of ease and flow.
Except on weeks like this. Weeks like this make me want to pull my hair out.
So, you might be asking, (especially if you've ever been in my shoes) wtf does all of this mean? Why does the universe bring us our own personal retrogrades in the middle of really good seasons of life when things were going really well (up until that point.)
Well... to put it simply, because the Universe wants you to grow.
Here's my theory: Personal Mercury Retrogrades happen when you refuse to surrender into something your higher self is craving. They are the earthquake that breaks the chains binding you to an old story.
Here are some examples:
In Business: When I was worried about what other people thought of me and was trying to also grow a successful business at the same time, I set the goal to hit a new financial milestone that would (let's face it) increase my visibility in the online space. That felt scary and brought up a lot of "what if people don't like me" thoughts. So the Universe, knowing I had to break that story, sent me a week full of judgment and criticism and hurt because I was refusing to step into being a woman who didn't care what other people thought of me. I was HOLDING ON. HARD.
In order to create a successful business, I needed to be someone who didn't give a shit about being liked.
In Relationships: When I was craving love and attention from men because I refused to provide that emotional feeling of "being enough" for myself, the Universe gave me a week of total rejection from online dating that forced me to be in that space of learning how to be independent.
I got stood up twice, got ghosted and was rejected sexually all in one week.
I could hear the Universe screaming, "Are you listening to me Lauren?! Stop looking for this love in other places besides yourself!"
In My Career: When I felt a calling to quit my career and go into my own mission-driven work in the online space, I immediately pushed away from the whisper and let my fear keep me stuck in corporate life. I kept my position out of fear, so the Universe, knowing my higher self was calling, brought me the environment I needed to finally call it quits (My job turned to hell on earth overnight.)
'Won't quit your job Lauren?" the Universe taunted. "Hey, how about now!?" The Universe made me hate my job even more. I got a new boss that was even worse than my old one. My work shift became overnight midnight to 9 am (which was excruciating) and conflict in my relationship with Matt started to bubble up because we weren't getting enough time together.
All because I refused to listen to the whisper of stepping into my higher self and doing the scary thing: Quitting my job.
Yes... when you don't listen to the calling to do something, the Universe pushes you out the window and says GO DO THE DAMN THING GIRL!
In my case, my own personal retrograde last week was a refusal to stop worrying.
Honestly, the Capricorn in me wants to strategize and game plan all the things related to life and business.
I want a schedule
A to-do list
A game plan
And a foolproof system for never dropping any balls. ever.
Lately, I'll be honest, the uncertainty at this next level of life and business is feeling quite scary and unfamiliar to me.
We don't know where we will be living in the next two years.
We don't know when or if we will have children.
We have no solid rinse and repeat marketing strategy because we have been trying so many new things and exploring new ways of running a business.
And I have no idea where my spiritual practice is taking me lately.
And my Capricorn soul over here has been worried about all of it and craving the "STEPS" and "THE PLAN."
So the Universe came in and said, "So Lauren, you want the next level but you think you need to control and worry about everything!? LET ME ROCK YOUR WORLD!"
Guys.... When I tell you the transition was beautiful, I am not kidding.
When I had the revelation of what this was teaching me, I immediately felt the clouds move away and my view of life became so crystal clear.
I NEED TO STOP BEING A CONTROL FREAK.
The next level requires surrender.
So, here's what I am going to challenge you to do if you've read this far into the article:
The next time a ton of shit goes wrong in your life, rather than curse the heavens or hide under your covers, why not ask, "What is this experience teaching me?"
Because I bet when you look closely, there is a part of you now that is refusing to surrender into your higher next level self. Let the earthquake come through and break the chains of your old story. It's time to EVOLVE.
Lauren Eliz Love
P.S. if you really want to CRUSH Those old patterns and stories that are holding you back, here's our free LIMITING BELIEFS worksheet. We go through these exercises monthly and they really help in letting go of old stories.
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