I am so excited to write up this post for you babes.
P.S. I am rush releasing this so there may be spelling errors. Don't judge: love.
A few weeks ago, on our monthly live coaching call inside of the Badass Business Babe membership, I asked the girls a question: "Are you fully celebrating the progress of your 2019 year?
I am the first one to be hard on myself for all the things I DIDN'T DO.. and all the goals I didn't reach.
In fact, on today's episode of the Business Babe Podcast, EP 148, I am sharing why I didn't hit certain goals in the 2019 year with you. I'll embed the episode here if you want to have a listen.
We aren't perfect. We are human beings for goodness sake. And sometimes we set goals and then total backfire.
But honestly, that's not failure.. that's just trial and error along the journey. The REAL Failure, in my opinion is when you waste your energy bullying yourself for not hitting your goals.
So on our BBB monthly membership call last month, I did an exercise with all the students. We played some spiritual music and I asked our members to write out a list of ALL the things they accomplished in the year.
I did it with them. And I'm not going to lie, it was hard at first.. but once I got my writing going, I was so surprised to see how much I truly did achieve in the last year!
If you want to do this exercise and get stuck, a great tip from me to you: go back and look at your social media accounts over the last year. What happened in your life? What events did you go to? What books did you finish? What milestones did you celebrate? What memories did you create?
So today. I thought I would take moment to share my most profound moments of the year with you! Consider this a little recap of all the things I am so deeply proud of myself for achieving... And then with that high vibe energy, I can step into the new year with total love and pride for all that I have done (which will create even more magic in the year ahead.)
Okay, so technically this was something that happened in the 2018 year, but sharing about this publicly in 2019 was one of my greatest vulnerable accomplishments in my content creation this year. I was a Tony Robbins platinum partner (aka member of his high level mastermind) And considering he was one of my biggest guides and heroes on my own personal journey of transformation, I had a lot of fears around the decision to walk away from his mentorship. I shared about why I left in this blog post if you want to read about it, and also recorded a podcast episode about it which is embedded in that post as well. I think it is so important to learn how to let go of old mentors and shed old relationships... you can still love what your mentor taught you, but letting go makes room for the next guide, teacher or facilitator to come into your light.
I also shared a lot about my decision behind leaving and why I choose to walk away, which felt really scary at first.. but I knew the transparency was really important. This moment in my content journey taught me just how powerful it is to be vulnerable and how when you are sharing from a space of LOVE, there is literally nothing to be worried about.
Here's the podcast episode where I share my journey to leave the Platinum Partnership:
Finding soul sisters has been a HUGE bonus for me this year. In fact, of everything I have done, I think building relationships with other women who see and support me has been the most profound element of my transformation this year. It's why I felt so passionate about creating the Rising Sisterhood Mastermind for BBB.. I know how impactful it was for me and I want to bring that energy to other women in a intimate high vibe space.
This photo was taken at Jen Casey's surprise birthday party and also surprise engagement (it was as super special day.) For me, this was the last time I had a drink. I remember drinking so much I blacked out and woke up so embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't keep track of how much I was drinking. Drinking moderately has never been a thing for me. So this year I made the decision to remove it from my life. The results of this have been PROFOUND. Seriously.. my business has opened up in new ways, my heart has expanded and my health has transformed.
If you're curious about my sobriety, I share my journey with alcohol in a Podcast episode here:
I remember writing this list on an airplane in flight somewhere. I don't know where I was going, but I remember being so frustrate with myself because I had spent like 294939 hours comparing myself to other women in the online space and getting angry at myself for not being farther along.
I got out my notepad and asked myself: What thoughts am I choosing to let go of. This is what I came up with.
Looking back on the year, I feel like I fully and truly let go of worry. I am no longer in space of comparison and I am really intentional about when I choose to feel elements of concern. If it is something I can't control, I let it go.
If you need help with letting go of fear and self doubt, this podcast episode will help you. Your thoughts create your reality. Remember that as you go on thinking throughout the next year. Be intentional about what you focus on, what meaning you give it and where you invest your energy.
This one is SO Freaking epic on my list it requires TWO images. This year, I recognized one of the most impactful elements of my work: In person connection. This was honestly something I was so DEEPLY afraid of.. I was afraid I wouldn't be as affective with my clients in person. I was afraid I wasn't going to have the ability to receive love and that on some level, maybe my students wouldn't like me. I was deeply afraid of that.
Looking back, this was the BIGGEST learning curve for me: Facilitating in person experiences.. But it was the BEST part of my year. Next year I have a ton of in person events on the calendar that get me SO Excited and lit up just thinking about.. The Rising Sisterhood Mastermind has two in person meet ups next year (one in CT and one in LA) and I am hosting an intensive intimate coaching experience called Transformation Weekend in March (there's an early bird special going on right now if you want to check it out.)
Also - I did a podcast on this too: First event takeaways!
Okay.. maybe THIS was my biggest learning curve. I felt like I was reliving all of my old high school fears, bullying experiences, and insecurities when I walked into that room but DAMN did it feel good to support young women as they grow into adulthood. One of my reasons WHY for creating financial freedom for myself is so that I can carve out more time in my schedule to support younger women who are needing support in areas like confidence, self worth, and self love. When I look back on my journey, so much of my trauma stemmed from this deep feeling of not enough ness. When I was younger, 19 exactly, I attempted suicide after I experienced Rape. Part of my mission on this planet is to help women know that they do not have to be defined by their past and that they can actually stand in their worth and KNOW that they are deserving of healthy happy relationships. Speaking at a high school was on my manifestation list for a while, and I am so proud of myself for calling it in and having the most beautiful time. This woman in the picture Stephanie runs a company called Empowered Girls Rise and she is dedicated to her mission work helping young women. It was such an honor to connect with her.
Also.. Here's my podcast about my past trauma in case you want to listen. TRIGGER warning.. I talk about it ALL.
Matt is such an incredible human. He is my teacher, my rock, my grounded energy and my support system in life and in business. He quit his job to help me grow BBB back in 2017 and every wedding anniversary I just have such appreciation for how far we have come... It seems like every year we grow more deeply in love and learn even more about each other.
We got married in Sedona on Cathedral Rock. This is the Rock where I had my first layer of spiritual awakening. I felt God, had a quantum shift in the Vortex, and when I got back to my corporate job from our Vacation, everything started to change. I knew my soul was calling me to wake up, take a leap and live in a bigger mission-based way. If it wasn't for Sedona I don't think I would be where I am now. This place is so special that we returned to Cathedral Rock years later to be married. <3
Oh.. if you are wondering what it's like to run a business with your spouse, here's an episode for you:
So, I am a really hard worker, and for a while I didn't have hobbies or interests outside of my business. This created a huge problem for me because I didn't have a creative outlet... and especially when I got sober, I felt this deep calling to find my own passions and interests. I recently developed a deep love for Mother Earth and connection to the land. This year Matt and I made a Garden and I planted my first veggies! We grew Zucchini, Butternut Squash, Basil, Cucumbers and a few peppers. Next year we get to grow even more produce! I find this is such a deep beautiful way to honor my feminine energy and I look forward to doing more of this playful growing in the new year to come. If you ever want to heal the feminine, go step outside and be in nature. She is incredibly healing.
I remember seeing this event on the radar, looking at the speakers and thinking to myself, "Man, I would like to speak at that event." Several months later, Ladies Aligned had someone cancel on their speaking roster and they asked me to come and speak! It was amazing! I had the best time serving, supporting and leading the incredible group of women that came together! Sandy and Melissa, the creators of Ladies Aligned were INCREDIBLE and their event in 2020 is going to be even more amazing! I am going to be having them on the Business Babe podcast in 2020 to talk about all the lessons they learned in running the Ladies Aligned event so if you are thinking of running events for more than 200 people at a time, this featured podcast coming in the new year will be perfect for you!
There is so much I want to talk to on this topic, but instead I'll keep it simple and refer you to the podcast episode. In March last year, I let my fear of leadership get in the way of my dreams. Out of fear, I manifested one of my Team members desiring to be more seen as the face of the brand. Out of ego, for the both of us, we brought her on as a visual and creative partnership to BBB and it created a lot of negative energy within my heart around the vision of BBB. She wanted to take the business in certain directions that just didn't feel right to me, and I was having a hard time speaking up and leading the business because of it. Deep down I knew I wanted to lead our community, but I was letting my fear really hold me back. After about six months of force we disconnected and decided that it wasn't serving us to be public on the face of the brand. Several months later, CL left team BBB to go build her own thing, and I am incredibly happy for her. She is following her dreams, and I am following mine. We taught each other a lot. This was something we moved through very publicly and recorded a podcast episode about... but it was definitely one of the HARDEST growing pains of my 2019 year.. which is probably why I am so proud of it.
BBB is my baby.. and I will always do what is best for the brand and the women I serve.
Here's the podcast episode where we share what happened and our conscious "uncoupling" as business partners.
Get used to seeing these women. They are my soul family. You will see them often. These women changed my FREAKING life. I have spent SOOO many years feeling like I wasn't enough for the people I wanted to be friends with. I would think, "what do I have to contribute" and "why would she ever want to be friends with me?" I settled for less fulfilling relationships because deep down I didn't feel like women could love me. Side note: how do you think that affected my ability to manifest next level soulmate clients??? How you show up one way is how you show up everywhere, right?
Ashley Gordon, Jen Casey, Stephanie Bellinger, Stephnie Burgos and Kathrin Zenkina.. These are my RIDE or die family. This past year I literally wrote in my journal that I was ready to manifest sisterhood... and here it is... beautiful, loving and totally unconditional in acceptance. I LOVE these girls.
Here is the podcast where I share lessons on sisterhood from our get together trip in Austin. Next up we are going to LA together in March!
SUPER proud of this one. Side note: I have never been medication free AND sober at the same time. This was a HUGE breakthrough in my pattern and has created an entirely new reality for me in my life. I thought honestly that I would ALWAYS be on medication. I felt like this year I noticed it was holding me back... my creative channel wasn't as strong as I wanted it to be, my connection to spirit was being fogged.. I just knew in my heart it was time. I did some really big things to supplement my mental health care as I transitioned off of medication and since this summer (August 2019) I have been entirely medication free! Sometimes I am hard on myself for not being where I truly want to be in my health and wellness journey but then I look at this and my sobriety and I think, HOT DAMN WHAT PROGRESS! Remember - perspective is anything and everything if you allow it. You can choose to be proud or choose to feel like you are not enough!
If you have emotional obstacles or stories of your past that you feel like should be a part of your brand, this podcast episode on how I turned my mess into my message can be super helpful for you.
So...speaking of soul sisters.. Kathrin, Stephanie, Jen and I traveled to Costa Rica to a spiritual retreat center called Rythmia to drink Ayahuasca - This is a psychedelic plant that has been used for thousands of years to connect to source and divine consciousness. I felt God, saw God, and healed layers of my past that I have been holding onto for my entire life. I left feeling lighter... and looking lighter too. Honestly I felt like a whole new woman.
This is me before plant ceremonies and after. Above EVERYTHING I have done in personal development, this was THE MOST PROFOUND level of healing I have EVER Experienced. I am going back in April and bringing some BBB members with me!
If you want to watch my ceremony recap videos I put them in this blog post for you. If you are curious about plant ceremony or experiencing this type of healing, this blog post will be perfect for you.
So thats it for me! Those are my top 12 moments of 2019! I am curious to know what your big celebratory moments are for the year? What did you accomplish in 2019 that you are deeply proud of? How did it change you and shape you into a better woman?
Start building your dream business ASAP.