It’s time to be more aware of the moments that take your power away from you.
When we criticize, get angry, lash out, blame, shame and justify we are using our power in a negative way to impact the lives of those around us.
Do you think you’re powerful?
“Any problem or situation only has the power over us that we give it, that we allow. We own power over ourselves. No one else. When we realize that we are given this choice: We can finally decide to stop giving that power away! No one can take your power away. If you have inadvertently given your power away, now is the time to take it back. The power is yours. You do not have to give attention, time and energy to anything you don't wish to. You do not have to give your attention, time and energy to anything which does not serve you or the greater good. No one has the power to make you sad, or miserable or insecure unless you allow it. Don't take the ugliness that others dole out into your heart. Don't sabotage yourself with the problems of others. Don't bleed your emotions into negativity. Remember, you cannot change anyone who doesn't want to change. You can't force change on anyone. You can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved. But, you can save yourself. You do have power over yourself. Own yourself. Own your power! Advocate for your own well being. You deserve the highest quality of life possible. You deserve your own time, attention and energy. You are your own best investment.”
― Akiroq Brost
Power is defined as the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.
… By this definition, most of us are extremely powerful humans especially when we act or speak from a place of fear and not love. When we criticize, get angry, lash out, blame, shame and justify we are using our power in a negative way to impact the lives of those around us - and yet if most of you were asked if you felt you were “powerful” you would say no.
What I find interesting is that this definition focuses on the ability for one to influence the OTHER — as determining whether or not one has “power”.
But what I’m finding is more important in this life is not your power over others, but your power over the self.
In some Buddhist traditions, there are two types of defined power which I think more align with our discussion today: self-power and other-power —— other power being a power outside of ourself that takes us away from ourself.
And this power, although not often talked about is what often leads us as humans into a negative mindset or existence. The influence of sources outside of ourselves that take us away from our true nature.
Let me backtrack a little and explain where this is coming from in my life - because I’ll always be here sharing things that I’m going through in hopes that you can go through them with a little more ease and grace than I have…
TUNE IN TO THE PODCAST EPISODE FOR THE EXAMPLE...
I was giving away all of my power to things outside of my control. I was taking things personally that may truly have absolutely nothing to do with me, internalizing them and then freaking the fuck out.
In the past I’ve done this a lot, given up my power. Let other people influence me heavily, let the actions of others take me down a peg, allowed someone to change my state in a moment.
What a lesson to learn. What a beautiful fucking lesson to learn.
And I started thinking. If this is something I am continually coming up against, and often overcoming, this is 110% something other women are going through - and something I’ve more than likely gone through in the past… and so I started looking at moments in the past where I had little to no power or I gave it away and what the result was and to be honest with you I was kind of shocked…
1. The abusive relationship I was in, I gave away all of my power and lead to depression
2. Bullying - Lead to me walking away from my true identity - lead to weight gain and depression
3. When people would question my decisions — left me getting anxiety over making the right choice
And when enough of these instances happen to us, where people come at us with their emotions, their problems, their opinions and we don’t have the tools to stand firmly in our beliefs or our truth - we wind up disconnecting from ourself, establishing low self-confidence and usually end up developing 1 or 2 or 3 bad habits to help us cope with the disconnection.
Enter drinking, eating, self or external abuse, and so on because we were never taught in school how to stand firmly in our power - or reconnect to our truth when others try to take it from us.
As an entrepreneur and influencer - to be successful in any way shape or form rather - we have to be able to stand strong in our power. People are going to come and try to tear us down because of our light. People are going to disagree with you. And if every time that happens, we stop doing what brings us joy or stop sharing our opinion - we will never be able to accomplish our versions of success.
I did, and sometimes still do give away my power - I’m human and because we are empathetic, emotional beings there is never going to be a time when we don’t temporarily give another person out power.
So here I am. Passing along my lessons so that you don’t have to learn them the same way I did, or perhaps so that you can shorten the amount of time you are without your own power, so you have the confidence to pursue what lights you up, without the approval of outside influence of other people in your life.
The purpose of this podcast and this community is to help you uncover who you truly are at your core and to build an exceptional business as you do so. To help you determine what truly lights you up brings you joy and what you truly want - and if you’re constantly giving away your power to other people - there’s no chance in hell you’re ever going to be able to discover your own inner knowing.
I’ve been implementing things for quite some time to help me take back my personal power, some of them have been working, some of them are not fitting me right now - but I need to share them with you. I need you all to have more resources, more tools, more ways to stand in your truth and in your powerful fucking self.
But before I share that with you - let’s talk about four ways to determine if you’ve given away your power.
1. Are you someone who feels really high one moment or period of time, and with the action of another person can have the exact opposite feeling?
2. Do you often to look to others for advice or help with a decision? Do you second guess yourself at various points in your life from small things like what to wear to life-changing decisions like - where should I live next?
3. Do you constantly seek the approval of others?
4. Do you constantly say “I can’t”, “I shouldn’t”, “I don’t deserve”
5. Do you blame shame or justify your action
“my presence is my power” - Gabby Bernstein
Don’t freak out - we all do these things. Each and every one of us - but the work exists in shortening the amount of time we are powerless not removing the feeling altogether.
There was a point in my life when the smallest comment from someone would keep me down and disconnected for days, weeks even. Stewing over it in mind - constantly asking what I could have done differently, constantly trying to blame and shame and justify why it happened. Now, when I’m emotionally strong and my cup is full from a spiritual standpoint - It lasts a few hours before I realize where my mind has retreated to.
The first thing you need to know is that - this is a habit that you have learned. From family, from friends, from gossip culture, from the way we interact, from the media.
Your brain has formed the habit of giving up the power to others the moment it feels overwhelmed, threatened, fear, shame, or any other disempowering emotion as a defense mechanism to keep you safe and sound and exactly where you are.
The reality is, you have the ability to change that mechanism. To take back your power. To stand confidently in your decisions and your life and your purpose so that you are not easily influenced and taken down by others.
Is it easy? No, or everyone would do it - but it also just takes small shifts to make massive strides toward maintaining a life of joy and abundance and pleasure.
So, what can you do?
Let’ talk about it!
1. Surround yourself with people who get it. Look for them online, in the grocery store, wherever you work out - they’re the happy, confident and content humans walking the planet with true joy on their faces. They’re the voice of reason but mostly love. They’re the ones who call you on your bluffs and are emotionally in tune with who they are. They are your allies. They’re the people who will ask you the tough questions when life gets tough and make you take a step back to look at the big picture before you going taking things personally. If you don’t have some of these people in your life - seek them out.
2. Confide in a friend that you’re trying to be more aware of your thoughts and when you’re giving away your power - and allowing others to heavily influence you. Ask them to tell you when you ask for their opinion on things. Ask for them to give you a gentle nudge when you start to take things personally. Ask them to let you know when you start to take on the emotions of others. Request that they give you some tough love when you go to them with excuses about why you can’t do something. What they need to say is simply “Who has your power right now?” - do you?
When you lean on and surround yourself with people who are ready and willing to grow - you’ll spend less and less time in self-doubt. You are the sum of the people you spend the most time around - surround yourself with people pursuing better. — and if all else fails - hire a coach.
3. Build yourself a collection of moments, people, places, things that bring you back to the present moment or alter your thought process. Here are some ideas:
A. Start now by writing out the details of moments when you felt alive and confident. A time where you made a really good decision or where you over-thought something that in the grand scheme of things wasn’t as big as you thought it was. For example, I could save my photos from the retreat in a folder titled “powerful moments” - save any moments where I felt alive and excited and confident.
B. Get resourceful with things that can bring you back. For example, I know that reading a passive from Light is the New Black, Rise Sister Rise or listening to one of To Be Magnetics podcast episodes almost instantly makes me feel empowered.
As you go through life - make a list of what you're doing when you feel inspired, aligned and in your element. Mine are doing yoga, dancing to sexy music, swimming, listening to podcasts, meditation, surrounded by my various card decks, or reading uplifting literature.
4. Build the muscle of awareness. Being aware of this pattern in your life is half of the battle. Keep a journal or a reminder around your house to prompt you to reflect on where your power currently is. Ask yourself often “who has my power” - set aside time once a week to check in with how this work went for you this week - did you give your power away immediately? What helped you get it back? Did you have to go to bed to feel good again? Did journaling or writing about it help? What were you able to learn? The more you check in with yourself - the shorter the amount of time that you’ll spend powerless. Some questions you can ask yourself:
1. Who currently has my power?
2. When did I give it away?
3. What triggered this response?
4. What can I learn from this?
5. What allowed me to return to my power?
6. What can I do differently?
7. WRITE OUT THREE JOURNAL PROMPTS
I’ve said it before and I will say it again - moments like this where we feel powerless, are valuable lessons for us to look at and if you’re someone who has been overcoming this or feeling this your entire life - it’s not going to be an easy thing to correct or move out of. It’s going to take time to unlearn this habit - to teach yourself how to look at life differently, to allow yourself the space the grow.
There is value in the opinions of others - but at the end of the day, you are the only person who truly knows what you want, how you feel and how to help yourself.
Start building your dream business ASAP.